As some of you know, Kevin is currently at Ft. Hood, TX for his first cross country flight! He left Wednesday morning bright and early and was originally scheduled to return tomorrow evening (Friday). I know 2 1/2 days doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're a stay at home mom to an 18 month old in a new area without a single friend, it's a long time. Due to bad weather conditions, it looks like he won't be returning until sometime Saturday. So in all that's 4 days alone! I know, it's only a 4 days and I shouldn't really complain, but I just feel so lonely at the moment. It's almost 11pm and I'm wide awake. I made the mistake of drinking coffee after noon today and now I'm paying the price. Actually, scratch that, tomorrow morning I will be paying the price.
Kerriann has actually been extremely good for me in Kevin's absence. The only thing I've noticed is that she's extremely clingy. My theory is that she wonders where Kevin is, and wonders if I might leave too if she doesn't stay right by my side. Having her holding onto my legs, sitting on my lap, and following me every waking hour is sort of tiring, but cute at the same time. I just can't help but worry about what it will be like once Kevin is deployed. What do you tell a child of her age who can't comprehend lengths of time? Sure, I know the deployment is still months away, but it's less than a year at this point and to me that seems so soon. I hate that the past two months have flown by, as I'm sure the rest of 2011 will. I've been trying really hard not to think of what's to come, but I don't even know if I can comprehend Kevin being away for 12 straight months. It just doesn't seem possible. I know we will get through it, but at this point I'm still not sure how.
I really need to get out of the house and meet some other Army wives in the area. I think doing that is vital to my sanity during the upcoming deployment (and in the months leading up to it)! It just seems so different here than it did at Ft. Rucker. Maybe it's the cold, dreary winter, but APG just doesn't seem as welcoming. I've tried to find a "Tot Time" play group like we participated in in Alabama, but with no luck so far. There has to be something out there though... there are A LOT of stay at home mom/Army wives and they have to do something to get out of the house!
I think the hardest part of this separation has been the absence of my favorite part of the day... 6pm-ish when Kevin returns from work. The condo feels so much more lively and homey when it's three of us here, rather than two of us. I have a lot of fun with Kerriann, but there's only so much you can do and say to an 18 month old day after day. All day I'm counting down the hours until he returns from work, and it gets me through the days that aren't so easy. It's hard imaging a time in the near future when I won't have that to look forward to every day. What will I replace that with that will keep me motivated to get out of bed every morning?
As I mentioned before, I know that I can and will survive when Kevin is deployed, but not without the support of others who have survived deployments before me. I'm really anxious to start meeting and bonding with my future "support group" and I know that having that will bring a sense of peace to me.
So, I should probably stop rambling and get back to beautiful Kerriann. She's been entertaining herself so well this morning... she must know that the worst is over and Daddy should be home before bedtime tonight!
I totally understand what you are going through. Keoni is gone at training till May. We go see him Wed-Sun but the other days, it's just me and Malia... it's hard...
ReplyDeleteWe should try to play a meet up sometime! I know we're kind of far apart now, but it might be worth it for both of us to get out of the house and do something new. :)
ReplyDeleteAdriane, I don't know if you remember me or not, but I am Molli's mother. I do remember how you feel. When we first moved to Gassaway, I didn't know a soul and Molli and Morgan were two years old and one year old. Jim worked long hours at 84 Lumber. My recommendation to you would be to find a church close by. The larger churches, more than likely, have small groups studies, consisting of women around your age with small children. Also, they more than likely have a MOPS group which is Mother of Pre-schoolers. I know that you have heard it before, but as difficult as the time seems now, it does go by so fast. If I can be of any help, please don't hesitate to ask. Your family is beautiful. You are a very good mother!
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